TW : ⚠️Self-harm Depression

There’s no point in explaining myself,
to the people who are close to me.
As it makes no sense in reality cause,
not every time I have that somebody.

I’ve to expect not much,
That is something I’ve been told by everyone
but, is that something under my control?
They didn’t bother to tell me that.

The restrictions in disguise
in the blames I’m not bound to get,
still being blamed and
not allowed to express me,
isn’t that being unfair to my soul?

There are days I want to speak and
my desire wanting to prove myself correct.
I’m waiting for the time they’re going to trust me,
neither blinds me with their fake promises
nor tie me with those open and loose hopes.

I’m trying to keep everything with myself,
cause I’m not allowed to share my pain with others.
I have prepared myself,
in the fear of someday losing my loved ones,
that day when I’ll have no one.

I’m bearing and bearing,
until the hurt has pored
till the brim of my soul and
then losing it drop by drop,
letting out all of my memories,
emotions and hopes.

Yet I choose to remain quiet but,
I still don’t quit.
Neither explaining nor expressing,
not at all speaking,
just hearing the echo-sounds that are
blabbering about all of these situations.

I’m drowning in an endless and deep ocean
of self-doubt, believing that I’m worthless,
for the disrespect, I feel an emptiness as well,
I start to, unlove and ruin myself.

Then a wind of depression blows by,
comes back and gets embedded as a storm inside me-
somewhere in the depth. It destroys me from
the very within and

I cry, cry a lot and I’m 
broken & shattered, tired & angry,
Pretending to smile when I’m already damaged.
I’m getting deviated but,
I’m trying hard to come back.

Deep within I’m exploring the truth because
the lies around, have left me nowhere.
I’m putting all energy to just let that pain and hurt,
help me in growing better.
I’m healing day by day,
losing a lot of things and
people every other day.
Yet, I’m trying to grow better
every second.

BY- Vanshikaa Saxena | PSIT CHE College, Kanpur

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